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August 20, 2004
Eau de Hummer

Lu dans le New York Post ce matin: la marque de 4X4 abominables Hummer, le véhicule des dragueurs bourrins à Los Angeles sur le ton "J'ai un joujou extra," va lancer son eau de toilette destinée aux gars "ultra-masculins." Car des hommes font de cette bagnole infâme leur identité. J'ai interviewé une fois ce chirurgien plastique de Beverly Hills qui se vantait de posséder deux Hummers, payés grâce à des kyrielles de... sexes féminin. Il refait vagins, vulves, clitoris et pose même des implants dans le point G. Ce Docteur Frankenstein du point G et ses Hummers allaient très bien ensemble. Beuah!

As I read in the New York Post this morning: the creators of the horrendous Hummer SUV, the vehicle of choice for lame "I've got a great big tool" playboys in Los Angeles, is launching a cologne, because some guys really build their identity around this atrocious car. I once interviewed a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who boasted of owning two Hummers, that he paid for thanks to a endless number of ... female private parts. The guy re-does vaginas, lips, clitorises, and even puts implants in the G-spot. This G-spot Dr. Frankenstein and his Hummers matched each other perfectly. Yikes!

Posted by Emmanuelle at August 20, 2004 8:33 AM
Comments


Du coup je préfère le sexe sans lubrifiant dans la poussière !

Posted by: sophie at August 20, 2004 10:20 AM

Hummers and vaginal reconstruction surgery in the same paragraph. That's just so ... so .... Oh, God, I brought a child into this world. What was I thinking?

Posted by: Rodger Jacobs at August 20, 2004 10:36 AM

Sophie said: "Suddenly I prefer the sex without lubricant in dust!"

Something got lost in the translation there.

Posted by: Rodger Jacobs at August 20, 2004 10:40 AM

Je faisais allusion au post précédent "Poudreux et sexy à Burning Man"...

Posted by: sophie at August 20, 2004 10:50 AM

the Hummer is the vehicle of choice for those who do _not_ have a big tool, they therefore need a substitute. For big tools watch out for us Civic drivers.

Posted by: tomdog at August 20, 2004 11:51 AM

right on, tom dog! Rodger, Sophie was alluding to the previous post about Burning Man and how people feel sexy in the dust but don't necesseraly act on it because of lubrication issues.

Posted by: Emmanuelle at August 20, 2004 12:52 PM

Thanks for clearing that up, Emmanuelle. I was way confused.

Posted by: Rodger Jacobs at August 20, 2004 3:16 PM

Emmanuelle:

Let me get this straight: thousands of naked (and bodypainted) hippies gyrating in the barren desert.

Call me "unenlightened," but I'm getting a creepy Manson family vibe over here...

Posted by: Cletus Nelson at August 20, 2004 7:17 PM

Mansion family of 30,000! That's the beauty of it apparently: you have the weirdos and the wackos and the people who
make you marvel. I love robots and I hear that they have all this robot art at BM: robots spitting fire, robots playing Romeo and Juliet etc. Hearing people such as Brian describe how happy they become every year at Burning Man can be very intriguing.

Posted by: Emmanuelle at August 20, 2004 10:13 PM

Great movie title: "Manson in the Dust". It has a revisionist western feel to it, like a Sergio Leone homage.

Posted by: Rodger Jacobs at August 20, 2004 10:44 PM

i haven't owned a car since 1987, so ~ by tomdog's logic ~ i'm essentially off the charts ....

Posted by: timmay! at August 20, 2004 11:21 PM

I have a large tool, so I can feel comfortable with my 88 Nissan Sentra.

Posted by: Stan at August 21, 2004 12:34 AM

Salut Emmanuelle, long time no see.

Ils sont moches, ingarables et effectivement on voit souvent plutot des branlos au volant et ils j'en vois de plus en plus à chaque fois que je vais dans la Valley... Quelques unes à Paris aussi ces temps ici. Beurk.

They are ugly, impossible to park and you are right, often not very interesting people (bad translation, help for "branleurs" please) driving them. I see more and more each time I go to SF. Some of them appear in Paris too these days...

Posted by: Loic at August 21, 2004 11:28 AM

J'en ai même vu une à Toulouse. dingue. Je croyais que ça débarquerait jamais chez nous ces machins là. :-)

Posted by: JY at August 21, 2004 2:06 PM

As an owner of a Hummer, I've got to tell you it's not a matter of penis substitution.

My purchase decision was far less subconscious, far more practical.

The plain fact is, when my over 8K pound Hummer hits your little Civic or Nissan or whatever you want to put against it, besides a mac truck or another Hummer...

I WIN!

YOU LOSE!

Now you listen to me once and for all, Emmanuelle, it doesn't matter who has the bigger penis. The fact is, after a horrible accident, I open my Hummer door, and walk across the street for a McFlurry and a casual conversation with my insurance adjuster, while you Civic owners are still waiting for the Jaws of Life to extract whatever is left of you.

This is exactly why I bought it. Not for the gas mileage, not for the wow factor, not to compensate for an unfortunate penis.

I bought it to defeat all but the most outrageous traffic accidents, and even then, I'm far more apt to be alive than you finger-pointing envirogeeks in your silly underpowered, underweight, hydro-electric pussy-mobiles.

So let's knock off the small penis taunts, and get real here.

To reiterate:

High Speed Accident:

Hummer - 1
Whinermobile - 0

Posted by: Lil Hummy at August 23, 2004 4:06 AM

"...hydro-electric pussy-mobiles".
You so macho.

Posted by: Xavier at August 23, 2004 8:58 AM

Just so long as you're not late to the retard picnic...

Posted by: Cletus Nelson at August 23, 2004 9:17 AM

You seem like the kind of person who would go right to McDonald's after killing someone with your car.

Posted by: Ken B at August 23, 2004 3:21 PM

Ken, I drive a Hummer, not an ambulance.
In my scenario I did not flee the scene of the accident, and I was insured, so kindly stick your guilt trip up your little Prius and try to get an extra mile out of that.

To the rest of you, you all talk trash here, but out on the highway, you show me respect, as you should do.

Unlike you people, I respect and obey all laws. Our nation's laws in general, and nature's law of speed, mass, and potential energy in particular.

An 8,000 pound all-terrain vehicle puts Nature's law on my side, not yours.

Despite what you people say here, out on the road, you will respect that.

You'd get out of the way of a herd of charging buffalo wouldn't you? You don't stand around and say "wait! is it against the law for buffalo to be running down Sunset? If so, is it a good idea?" No. You get the hell out of the way, and thank god you made it.

Well, I'm effectively a herd of buffalo, so simply stay out of my way, and no harm will probably come to you.

Arguing with me about my Hummer is like arguing with a forest fire. You'd best just move to the side until it's passed, and don't waste time whining about it.

To reiterate: I didn't get a Hummer as a penis extension. I got it to stay alive on dangerous city roads.

If any of you make almost any kind of driving error, I don't pay the price with my life.

You do.

Get used to the idea and quit crying. If you don't like not having a Hummer, buy a damn Hummer, and knock off the liberal guilt trips.

Posted by: Hummy at August 24, 2004 12:17 AM

A gal friend of mine who hangs out with a slightly rough-around-the-edges 4-wheeler offroad crowd says hummers are not true 4-wheeler material - - they get stuck too often (i.e., off road). The weight ratio versus power just isn't good enough for driving in muck.

The commerical car lot hummer is built differently than the actual military issue hummer.

They look like great super-sized mini-vans, though. Nothing wrong with a bit more room. I'd get one.

Posted by: xire138 at August 24, 2004 9:15 AM

Beuargh...

Posted by: xamolsis at August 27, 2004 12:14 AM

I dono???? I kinda like Hummers. I'd like to invite everyone to visit my Hummer site at www.hummercity.com

Posted by: LNB at August 28, 2004 10:50 AM

This is cool, you have to try it. I guessed 84124, and this game guessed it! See it here - http://www.funbrain.com/guess/

Posted by: Allison Trump at November 14, 2005 10:47 AM


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